You think its normal to not have a peaceful sleep???
You think it's healthy to feel anxious, nervous, and stressful ESPECIALLY when you sleep? You think it isn't a sign that you must do something, anything when you find yourself continuing to wake up in a panicky sweat with overwhelming thoughts?!?!?!
Listen to me. Listen very carefully until it sinks in:
you NEED, right now, this very moment to FINALLY come to terms with what is sitting in your gut! Deep down in that garden of thoughts and emotions! Truthfully FACE what makes you FEEL as you do! STOP pretending it isn't there and looking right over it!
It obviously NEEDS your attention RIGHT NOW!
You aren't doing anyone any favors!
You are hurting yourself!
Deal with it.
Forgive yourself and anyone or everyone involved.
Let it go.