As a child I was very quiet and shy. I had a hard time feeling comfortable and 'fitting in'. It seemed I didn't fully understand the world I was living in. I found it very difficult to understand those around me, how they would act and speak.
My very first years of school were very challenging for me. I found the children around me mean and selfish. I didn't like being around other kids. I would take any chance I got to be around adults, I would sit and linger with them as long as they would let me. It seemed they made 'more sense to me'. Still today, I find myself with circle of friends with very few the same age as me.
In the second grade my teacher told my mom that she had checked the pencils I was using because she thought there was something wrong with them. It seemed I was writing so lightly she could hardly read my writing.
This was me, so afraid to be heard because I felt so different. I continually struggled with what I felt inside because it did not 'match' my outer world and the other kids didn't seem to have the same 'problem'. So I grew more and more quiet.
Today I am a very talkative person, still somewhat shy but not at all in comparison to the little me;) Today when I find myself feeling shy I just push myself 'out' even more. If you meet me (or know me) you would never think I was shy for preciously this reason, I force myself to be forward and jump into a conversation and speak openly.
However, one thing still remains; I still struggle with 'not making too much noise'. I am still somewhat afraid of being 'heard' because I still feel 'different'. Even though I understand that deep down we are all the same, the core of us and what we are made of, where we come from- all the same. Yet the feeling of being 'too' different compels me to want to tip toe and 'not make too much noise'.
The same way I overcome my shyness today, I try to overcome my need to be quiet, not wanting to 'bother' the people of this planet too much by making too much noise. So what do I do? I post blogs that speak my truth, I post things I believe in on twitter, facebook and pinterest. I share photos on instagram and oh yeah, I wrote a book. This is me still working on allowing myself to be as loud as my soul wants to be.
Yes, I am still a work in progress but this I know will remain forever as we will always grow and flourish, therefore the growing never stops, the progress continues.
So today I say loud and proud, hear me world because I am here, happy to be making noise;)
Photography courtesy of the wonderful Tracie Louise